Meaningful conversation energises us and stimulates our creativity. We are hardwired with a neural network that not just allows us to connect but drives us to connect with others.
The level of connection depends on trust. At the lowest level that means lack of threat, at the highest level that means confidence that the behaviour and response of another will meet our expectations.
All human connections will trigger our neural chemistry and create emotional and logical responses based on level of trust. We communicate to build relationships. In this article, I am primarily addressing business relationships.
So, let’s think in terms of three levels of communication:
1 – Transactional; which basically means telling and to ask and answer questions to discover something. This is usually the first level of interaction with someone new to us. This usual behaviour for low or unestablished trust.
2 – Positional; is to use power and influence to engage, advocate/Inquire, this translates to giving away some of ourselves in terms of knowledge or feelings as well as probing others for a greater depth of discovery. This involves a medium level of trust, one that is perhaps building or has reached a working level.
3 – Transformational; is about sharing and discovering at the deepest level and requires the highest level of trust. This is about creating a future that involves mutual success.
Our prefrontal cortex enables us to build relationships, use good judgement and build trust. We are designed to pursue partnerships and to form teams.
However, communication can create threats in terms of insults, denigration or pressure.
if we feel in any way threatened by the communication then our amygdala kicks into action and concentrates on defensive or aggressive response strategies. When this occurs, blood flow is effectively cut off from the prefrontal cortex and we no longer perform with rational judgement but instead draw on our history of negative experiences and respond accordingly.
If we put this in terms of a request to connect on, for example, LinkedIn. A recipient of the request may view it suspiciously and engage negative responses or may see it as an opportunity and look at it positively. That may depend on the content of the request and the profile of the requestor.
If after agreeing to connect, there is an early attempt to influence, dominate or use the connection, then it becomes a threat instead of an opportunity.
My purpose in connecting is to seek long term interactions that involve sharing of experiences and ideas, inevitable that is mutually beneficial. So, is this aimed at increasing my business? A mutually beneficial outcome should always improve something for both parties, and not necessarily directly but through mutual connections. This however, is a long- term result and can only be achieved by moving through the three levels of communication introduced above. It takes time and effort.
Unfortunately, too many people are in a rush to get results and may damage a relationship before it matures.
Not every connection is destined to result in a meaningful exchange or relationship. But every request is like someone coming up to you at a networking event and offering a handshake. You should treat it with courtesy and see it as a possibility. You never know where the strangest relationships might take you.